Not Realising a New Adventure has Begun

It can be easy to miss the obvious. Whilst I was fretting about what new direction to take it was pointed out to me that I had already taken it.

As I said in Being in the Present I was restless and uncertain about what direction to take. As someone who has always been strongly future-oriented I have usually had a vision of where I was going. With the life changes I have been facing that vision has disappeared.

Living for Now

I had a generally good Late Summer Bank Holiday weekend and I learnt some things about living for today. Accepting loss of people, things and what one once was are important parts of the recovery from depression.

I was able to get more into a leisure and domestic holiday mood rather than trying to work. As a result I got a lot of jobs done around the house and identified work needed on a car and other bits and pieces. We had a good weekend socially as well. But I was not satisified.

Restless and Lacking Direction

I am restless and do not really seem to know what I want from the rest of my life. I am still rather locked into the driven person that I once was but the path I was on is no longer available. It leaves me with a sense of uncertainty and discomfort even though I have some ideas which I suspect I have not fully accepted.

It was brought home to me over the holiday weekend when Alison and I went out for walk at the local nature reserve. Despite it being a very pleasant, early morning on a late summer day I was irritable and not really enjoying the walk. There was a feeling that I could be doing something more useful, there was nothing to see and I did not really want to be there but felt duty bound to join Alison.

I should have been able to enjoy the moment, simply mindful of what was around me.