I was going stir crazy and it was entirely self inflicted. With the poor summer I was spending too much time stuck in the house and I was finding displacement activities that were stopping me getting on with other more productive, and rewarding, activities. Worse still it was dragging down my mood, yet it was all avoidable,
I finally got cross with myself. I was determined to grab the nettle and get back to building a lifestyle that does not separate work and pleasure. I already had a way of working that was largely time and location independent but had not yet taken proper advantage. So angry with myself for drifting, I have to get to grips with working wherever I want to be.
Getting on with Lifestyle Changes
So today I have moved out of my home office to a series of coffices, coffee shops that I can use as an office. As a writer all I need is notebook, laptop and occasional access to the internet; I can fit that around my travels for the other strand of my new career as a photographer. It has been productive so far today, I have written a book review over breakfast at a local branch of my favourite chain of coffee shops. It will encourage me to take the idea on the road so that I can develop The Winding Way and achieve the lifestyle I really want.
Positive Attitudes and Rediscovering Excitement
My recovery from depression is going well but still requires me to actively adopt a positive attitude although it is beginning to be second nature. I am also trying to become open to new opportunities based on curiosity and rediscovered enthusiasm.
Not Realising a New Adventure has Begun
It can be easy to miss the obvious. Whilst I was fretting about what new direction to take it was pointed out to me that I had already taken it.
As I said in Being in the Present I was restless and uncertain about what direction to take. As someone who has always been strongly future-oriented I have usually had a vision of where I was going. With the life changes I have been facing that vision has disappeared.
Living for Now
I had a generally good Late Summer Bank Holiday weekend and I learnt some things about living for today. Accepting loss of people, things and what one once was are important parts of the recovery from depression.
I was able to get more into a leisure and domestic holiday mood rather than trying to work. As a result I got a lot of jobs done around the house and identified work needed on a car and other bits and pieces. We had a good weekend socially as well. But I was not satisified.
Restless and Lacking Direction
I am restless and do not really seem to know what I want from the rest of my life. I am still rather locked into the driven person that I once was but the path I was on is no longer available. It leaves me with a sense of uncertainty and discomfort even though I have some ideas which I suspect I have not fully accepted.
It was brought home to me over the holiday weekend when Alison and I went out for walk at the local nature reserve. Despite it being a very pleasant, early morning on a late summer day I was irritable and not really enjoying the walk. There was a feeling that I could be doing something more useful, there was nothing to see and I did not really want to be there but felt duty bound to join Alison.
I should have been able to enjoy the moment, simply mindful of what was around me.
More Energy and Vision of a New Start
It is over a week since I updated my War Diaries and overall it has been pretty good. There have been many more "up" days than "down" and I am starting to get more done. Now I am turning my attention to some big things that once resolved should have a huge positive impact on my mood; but it is by small steps. I still have to be careful about my energy levels.
Getting Things Done and Starting a New Life
The Curious Journey out of Depression
It is a wonderful, if slightly cool, early morning in August and I have just understood more about my journey out of depression.
I am Running Out of Things to Waste Time On
I have spent a lot of time on displacement activities. This has added to my low mood as I have not achieved things I should. But I am now running out of such tasks.
Have I Retired and No One Has Told Me?
It certainly feels as though I have taken retirement without any decision to do so. The market for my consultancy services seems to have vanished in the last year or so. So I need to make plans to allow me to move into a changed life, a life of the New Rich that can be achieved with modest means.
Mood Swings and Taking Advice on Gentle Exercise
Over the last few days I have been taking my own advice of making sure I get out of the house for frequent gentle exercise in the form of a brisk walk and social contact. It has been a busy few days where my mood had been mainly good but with some disconcertingly sharp and uncomfortable mood swings.
Subcategories
- Dealing with Depression
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Life Change
This part of War Diaries will be about how we make a transition from demanding professional careers to a new, but still intellectually and econmically active, life.The new life seeks to be more flexible and have a hiugher quality of life than being tied to an office five days a week. It is about living the life of the New Rich as described by Tim Ferris not about creating money for the sake of it. It can be done surprisingly cheaply as we will seek to prove.
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